


Protection

by SilverMidnight



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Angst, Blood Drinking, Fluff, Gen, Kid!Spike, Slight Violence, spells
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-15
Updated: 2014-03-15
Packaged: 2018-01-15 19:08:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1316014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverMidnight/pseuds/SilverMidnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Angel is called to Sunnydale he thinks it's about Buffy, ..How will he react to a spell gone awry? Especially when it comes to They're vampires so there will be blood in this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Three Months Old

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I haven't exactly seen all of Buffy yet. I'm on like season 4 now and I've seen none of Angel so I might have made some mistakes. Really I just love seeing Angel and Spike being a family. I think it's just so cute! If I made any mistakes please tell me!
> 
> I own nothing. Please review!

"I can't believe I'm saying this to you, Angel," Xander sighed his voice showing just how tired he was, "But I'm so glad you're here."

Nodding my head slightly at the human I followed him into the high schools library. Instantly my hears were pierced with the loud crying of a baby. My eyes quickly darted around the room until I finally saw where the sound was coming from.

In Willow's arms was a small bundle that she was desperately trying to quiet. Nothing she did though seemed to have any effect on the baby. When Buffy had contacted me this was not what I thought she'd need help with, but she did say that it was an emergency.

With a sigh I started to make my way towards Willow when something forced me to freeze. I knew that scent. I had spent so many years with that scent nothing would ever make me forget it. The baby in Willow's arms was Spike.

Now that I knew basically what was going on I moved with more conviction. I didn't always like the younger vampire, but I would never leave him alone if he couldn't take care of himself. I was his Sire. I would protect him.

Willow easily handed me the crying baby and for the first time I got a good look at him. His skin was a pale as ever, tears streamed from behind clenched eyes, and his hair was how I remembered it. This wasn't Spike. This was William. A three month old William, give or take a few months, but that wasn't the point. This was my Childe and I took care of my own when they needed it.

To say that Spike needed help was an understatement. I kept my movements slow as I tried to rock the baby to sleep, but that didn't help. If I wasn't about to calm Spike down vampire or not he was going to…Wait…Vampire.

"When was his last feeding?" I questioned.

"He won't eat anything," Buffy replied massaging her temples, "Not since he changed. Two…Three days ago."

"He's starving."

"We gave him food."

"Did you give him blood?"

Everyone seemed to freeze when I said that. It was as if they completely forgot what Spike was. I couldn't blame them. This baby was nothing like the vampire that we all knew. I was lucky that I thought of it before it was too late.

Taking my wrist in my mouth I made a small gash. Once I saw blood bubble to the surface I placed it to Spike's mouth. He seemed to have a problem latching on to my wrist, but he was greedily guzzling my blood so I could deal. I watched the baby vampire's face as the tears slowed before stopping completely. Soon his eyes were opening and I saw his soulful blue eyes staring into mine.

That was something I never understood. Even when he changed he seemed to keep his humanity. If it wasn't for everything we did to him I knew that Spike would have turned out differently. We had beaten the good out of him and because of that he became one of the most feared vampires ever.

All of this was my fault and now that I had my Childe in my arms I knew I could help him. I had to help him. For the people who knew him simply as 'Spike' it was hard to understand. They didn't know the being that lied in the shadows.

Buffy, Xander, Willow, Giles…None of them knew just how beautiful a soul the man had been. They didn't know how much it took to break the man of all of that. They had never heard him cry, beg to be staked. I caused him this pain. I was the reason so many had died at his hands.

I was never delusional enough before to believe I could help him. Save him. The man that he was before was long gone. Nothing would ever bring him back and I doubted he wanted to come back at all. I couldn't say that I blamed him. With everything that had been done to him he'd never want to relive that kind of torture again.

That was just it though. Angelus was the one that did all of that an while I had trouble knowing who I was compared to who he was I knew I'd never hurt Spike the way he had. It was on of my biggest regrets in my undead life.

As I continued to watch Spike I noticed his eyes slowly slipping shut as the gentle sucking stopped. His lips didn't move from my wrist so I was able to feel as his breathing lulled. It was had to believe that this was Spike, but I was oddly happy about this.

Spike was my Childe. Alright, he was Drusilla's Childe, but she never took care of him. All he was to her was a plaything. I couldn't believe how long it took for him to realize that. Though I often found myself thinking that he still didn't' understand. All Spike wanted was to be loved. I saw that now. And I could do something about that.

Of course it took Spike changing into a baby for me to be able to help him, but if I've learned anything about the man it's that he doesn't do half ways. This was just another one of those times. The only difference between other times and now was that, for once, the younger vampire couldn't fight or even hide that he needed help. He also couldn't ask, but I'd take what I could get with him.

"There," I muttered moving Spike around so I could hold him better, "He's asleep."

"We've spent three days trying to do that and you get him down in half an hour?" Xander huffed loudly.

"It's going to be another three if you don't keep your voice down. Now will someone tell me what happened to Spike and why it took so long to call me?"

The three teenagers and Giles looked between themselves before all eyes moved to Willow. I should have known it had something to do with the practioner. I had no doubt she'd grow to be a powerful witch, but for now she was still learning.

Learning meant that she was still making mistakes more often than not. This mistake just happened to cause Spike to revert into a baby. It was no big deal. We would be able to bring him back or he'd have to be raised again. Alright, it was an extremely big deal. Spike would not be happy if we ever got him back to his proper age.

I hated that I had to think that. I wanted to have all the answers and be able to take care of the younger vampire That wasn't going to happen this time. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't change it. I had no idea what I was even supposed to do.

Shaking the thoughts from my head I looked down at Spike and felt myself smile slightly. I had to admit that he looked adorable right now. Someone must have thought to get some things for the baby because he was wearing a black onesie with little red and pink hearts on it. Spike would hate it.

"I'm sorry, Angel," Willow whispered.

"I know," I nodded.

"We'll change him back. I won't stop until we do."

"I know."

Willow let out a sad sigh at that. I knew that she hadn't meant to harm him and I wasn't mad at her. The whole situation was a mess and no matter how much I wished we'd be able to change Spike back I needed to be realistic. There was little to no chance that we'd be changing him back.

"What are we going to do with him?" Buffy questioned.

"I'm going to take care of him," I said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "He is my Childe."


	2. 1 year old

"Angel," Giles grinned, "Come in. Come in."

I stared at the surprisingly happy Watcher before walking into his home. I was surprised to say it, but he had been different ever since Spike's little transformation. Something that had happened nine months ago last week.

Truthfully everything had changed since then. I couldn't bring myself to be mad about that. In fact, I doubted anyone was upset by anything Spike related. It was too hard to be upset when those crystal clear blue eyes were staring up at you. It was also the most amazing feeling.

It was because of this that I didn't even bother to hide my smile when I saw my beautiful little boy sitting in the middle of the floor in the living room having a conversation with his favorite stuffed animal. A patchwork bunny.

That had been gotten for him the third day that I had been here. Okay, maybe gotten for is a bit of a stretch. The little stuffed bunny was the only toy that didn't cause Spike to scream bloody murder.

It was also the creepiest in the store. Especially once you realized that it was 'x' where the eyes should be. It was good to know that at least part of Spike was still the same.

Spike had that toy with him wherever he went. It even sat on the toilet when he was given his baths. Everyone knew better than to try to take the bunny, that everyone called Hatter. He loved Hatter more than anything else and I loved to see that smile on his lips.

Thought there was one thing that Spike loved to do to Hatter. It was actually the reason Hatter got his name. He would put anything and everything on that bunnies head. Right before putting that thing on his head. It was his favorite game to play when he felt like playing alone.

In this year I had learned a lot about Spike that I honestly hadn't paid attention to before. The first being the fact that he hated to be alone. He would scream, kick, cry. Anything to get someone to be in the same room as him. Not to say he wouldn't play alone. He loved playing by himself. He just had to have people around him.

The second thing was his love of small, dark places. He has hidden in basically every cabinet, behind or in-between every piece of furniture, and in closets or under beds. Which I admit scared me the first few times. If not for the fact that I could find him fairly quickly I would have thought he had been taken.

The last thing was how much he loved Willow. He was always going between her and I if he needed or wanted something. That was a good thing because it helped dull the guilt that she still felt. Which was probably why she couldn't say no to the blonde. That was going to hurt us when Spike was old enough to understand.

Taking another look at my Childe I saw that he was wearing his pajama's ready to go to bed when we got home, but the thing that made my smile grow was the black leather duster I had specially made for him. He loved this one just as much as his adult self loved his. It was the only other thing he hated to be without.

It was easy for me to admit now, though it had taken awhile, but I loved Spike. In the back of my mind I knew that adult Spike would never act like this, but that wasn't his fault. Now I had a chance to let him grow and be who he wanted. Not what we made him to be. Once that was done I'd get to know him again.

"How was he?" I whispered to Giles.

"For the most part he was good," Giles replied, "There was a little incident when it came time for his blood. He refused to eat all together. He's probably starving right now."

"He was doing that this morning too."

"He's used to drinking from you. Weaning him onto animals blood is going to take some time."

"I know, but having the knowledge that my so…that Spike is starving because of me."

"You can call him your son, Angel. No one would be upset about that. As for him feeding. Why don't you leave some of your blood here. Slowly we'll mix in animal blood until he gets used to the taste?"

"That's a good idea. Nothing else happened?"

"Nothing. Spike gave me a fairly quiet day."

Nodding my head I turned back to my Spike and thought about what Giles had said. I knew that no one could fault me for thinking of Spike as my son, but for some reason I found myself not being able to say it. Not because of what anyone else thought, but because of what Spike would think.

Everyone was still looking for a way to get Spike back to himself. Though we were no closer to doing that. I had no idea how much he was going to remember if we ever did get him back. To say that that thought was disconcerting was an understatement. I honestly liked how things were now. Maybe that made me a bad being, but I wanted Spike to stay this way forever.

It wasn't that things were easier with the younger vampire. This was still Spike. No, things were just very different and I loved it. This was something I never let myself dream of having. Even when I was human. Now I had it and as bad as it made me I didn't want it to change.

As I thought that it hit me that I had no idea what Spike would have wanted us to do. He was my Childe and I had little to no knowledge on him. I had never even tried to get to know him after I got my soul back. Because no matter how much I regretted my treatment of the younger vampire he was a monster. Or was he?

Spike was different than most vampires. He always had been. It's what made him such an easy target. It was as if he had a soul even after Drusilla had changed him. I don't know why or even how that was possible, but it was. And he had been given hell for it.

I don't even want to begin to think of everything that had been done to my Childe at my own hands. I don't want to remember him screaming as we tore him apart. I don't want to remember him beg for us to kill him, to just have mercy as we healed him. I don't want to remember the feeling of his blood blanketing me with each new wound. I don't want to remember how delicious it all was. But I did.

That was another reason I didn't want to think of him as my son. I never wanted to harm Spike again and I hated myself everyday for it, but that didn't change anything. I knew what I was capable of and I knew exactly what it would take to break him. Mostly though I knew exactly how wonderful breaking him felt.

I needed to keep all of this in my mind. The idea of forgetting and repeating those same mistakes was my biggest fear right now. Because if the day came when I hurt my Spike again I would do everything possible to die. After I was sure someone was there to take care of my Childe. I would protect him. Even from…No, especially from myself.

"Dada," a voice suddenly rang out.

My eyes widened as I looked down at Spike. The blonde had moved from his spot on the floor and was now sitting in front of me. His arms were stretched over his head sowing that he wanted to be picked up. My whole body felt ridge as I slowly bent down and picked up the child.

"Dada," Spike sighed cuddling into my chest.

"Looks like Spike is already a step ahead of you," Giles commented.

One look at the sleepy smile Spike was giving me I knew that the Watcher was right. Whether or not I thought I was ready or even deserved it Spike thought of me as his Dad and I wasn't going to ruin that.

"Yeah," I smiled, "I guess he is."


	3. 5 years old

"That's not red, Daddy," Spike giggled happily.

"Not red?" I questioned in fake shock, "Than what color is it?"

"It's green!"

A smile came to my face as my Childe's laughter grew. Giles had been kind enough to get me some school things for Spike last month and I found myself pleasantly surprised. Spike loved to learn. Well, Spike and Hatter loved to learn. Neither of them had missed a lesson yet.

I couldn't always be around for class time, but I made sure that Fridays's were for just him and I. Those were the best days not only for myself, but for him as well. The blonde had long ago confessed that he hated when I had to leave. He never liked his Daddy leaving him.

There was that word again. Daddy. You would think that after four years I would be used to the, somehow still accented, boy calling me that. I couldn't though. I was still waiting for the other shoe to drop even as Spike used me as his personal jungle gym.

No matter how much I worried about that though I found myself happy whenever I heard it. I knew that I loved Spike as my son. I knew that I'd do anything to keep him safe. So whenever I heard the young vampire say Daddy or those ocean eyes were staring at me as if I hung the moon I vowed to protect him. Each and every time.

Shaking my head I looked back down at Spike. The blonde was sitting in my lap as we sat on the floor. In front of us on the table was the largest box of crayons I could find and a stack of blank paper. On the floor around us were drawings that he had done. All of them were in piles so we knew exactly who was supposed to get what.

That was something else that I hadn't expected from the young vampire. Spike loved to give presents to people. It was heard to go to the store with him because he ended up trying to get something for everyone. It took a lot to convince him that Willow and Buffy didn't need another stuffed animal. Or that Xander and Giles could live without another toy car.

The young vampire was honestly the biggest sweetheart that I had ever met. I couldn't believe that I had broken someone that was so pure and beautiful. Okay, so I could believe it. I honestly didn't want to. I wanted to simply focus on all the light that my Spike was bringing into not only my life, but the life of everyone that he was around.

It was something to see when the whole room seemed to brighten as soon as Spike smiled. You could dislike vampires, you could read every instance of when Spike was William the Bloody, but never could you dislike the little vampire that was resting in my lap.

"Daddy," Spike suddenly spoke, "I hungry."

"Okay," I nodded, "Let me just get your…"

"No!"

I was startled by Spike's scream. The blonde might not be the easiest vampire to deal with, something I was actually glad hadn't changed, but he wasn't the type to yell at anyone. I don't know why, but he simply hated yelling or even raised voices.

I often wondered if that was because of something he remembered from the first time he aged or from his adulthood. There had been quite a bit of yelling there. It didn't matter though. I didn't want to know why that was.

Though right now didn't matter. No, my focus was now on the time vampire who was trying, and failing, to hold back his tears. I hated to see that look on my sons face. It was completely heartbreaking. What had happened to make him react like this?

Alright, so animal blood wasn't exactly the best flavor in the world, but Spike rarely complained about it. Seems the transformation had made him forget how amazing human blood was. And after the talk I had given him when he had attempted to feed from Xander he wasn't going to do that.

Now Spike was upset because I offered to feed him. It just didn't made any sense. Of course, Spike was five years old. Maybe it was just me for him to throw a fit for no reason. Except that I knew the vampire. If he was acting like this than something was wrong.

This was different from his normal upset. Spike knew how important blood was to us and, for the most part, he enjoyed the feed. He never missed a meal now. Which was something I was grateful for. Especially since I knew how bad the blood tasted.

No, after we weaned him off of my blood he's been fairly…My blood. Is that what this was about? Spike wanted my blood. That was not something that he had ever asked for. Honestly, it had been so long since he drank from me I doubted that he remembered the taste. But then why was he asking?

The young vampire rarely asked for anything to begin with, but to ask for my blood? I had no idea where he got that idea from. Mostly because I did everything in my power to keep him in the dark about it. He hadn't even seen my 'Game Face' yet. Something I never wanted him to see.

Of course I knew that I couldn't protect him from this. At some point in time he'd see that face. Just like at some point in time his own face would contort like mine. He was my Childe though. I wanted to keep him as innocent as long as I could.

"Spike," I sighed.

"Want Daddy!" Spike pouted.

"I'm right here, my Childe."

"No! You stay here! With me. No more leaving. Stay! Love me!"

I felt my heartbreak a little further with each thing he yelled. Somehow Spike thought that if I gave him my blood that I'd stay. That giving blood meant love. How he got that idea was beyond me, but it was something that I could see adult Spike thinking. Maybe they was more alike than I had thought.

It was not something that I liked to think about. Adult Spike was warped in many ways. I had made sure of that. It was something that I never had thought this Spike would think. It just didn't make any sense to me.

I kept Spike away from things like this because I knew exactly why kind of damage they could do to him. Everything I did was to keep him safe. Now it felt like all of that was thrown in my face and I had no idea why.

"Me not letting you feed from me doesn't mean I don't love you," I soothed.

"But you'll stay if I do," Spike nodded, "You'll never leave me."

"Is that what you're worried about? Me not coming home? Spike, I love you too much to stay away. I love you."

"I love you too, Daddy."


	4. 8 years old

"Daddy!" Spike's scream echoed through the sewers.

A growl erupted from my lips as I turned down a tunnel. When I got my hands on the bastards that thought they could take my son I was going to show them exactly what Angelus would do. Because no one hurt my family and got away with it.

None of this was supposed to be happening. Spike had wanted to see what a fair was like so Willow and I decided to take him. It was Saturday and the blonde had decided long ago that Saturday was his Willow day. As long as she wasn't sick he'd spend time with her.

Actually it didn't matter if she was sick. There had been a bad case of the flu going around last year and Spike simply laid next to the bedridden Willow. His cool skin helped lower the fever she had. He had the biggest smile on his face when he had been told that he helped the red head.

We had just gotten to the fair and I had known something was wrong. Everything in me said that I should grab Spike and Willow and take them somewhere safe. Both of them had looked so happy though. I didn't want to ruin that just because I was being paranoid.

So we walked around the fair for awhile. Both Willow and I riding different rides with Spike. Spike and I playing games while Willow ate. Spike even played games by himself just so he could present Willow and I the toys that he had won. A small stuffed bear for Willow and a pirate rubber duck for myself.

That was when I noticed just how tired Spike was looking. I told the other two that it was time to go. Spike asked if he could go on the Ferris Wheel one last time. Willow agreed to take him one last time before we went home. That was when it all started.

Some demons decided that it would be a good idea to take Spike from me. I don't know what they want or if this was just a joke. I was going to find them and I was going to tear them apart. No one was ever allowed to hurt my Spike.

That was the only thing running through my mind right now. I didn't care that Willow was tracking Spike from the other side with a spell. I didn't care who had him. I didn't care why he was taken. The only thing that mattered was the death of everyone who had planned this. Every last one.

Another scream for me was torn from Spike's throat. It was closer than before so I counted myself lucky there. Obviously whoever took him couldn't use portals. I'd lose him completely if they did. And I honestly doubted I'd survive losing him.

I couldn't tell how long it had been or even where I was anymore. That didn't matter as I came to a clearing. There Spike was on the ground between them. Blood was dripping from his nose and tears were streaming down his face. His mouth opened to scream again when a boot kicked him.

"Just shut up you piece of garbage," one of the demons growled, "Your  _Daddy_  isn't coming. He doesn't  _love_ you. You're nothing."

"Daddy loves me," Spike spoke with as much conviction as he could, "You're lying."

"Really? Where's your  _Daddy_  then?"

Letting out a growl I watched the demons spin around. There was fear in their eyes, but they were trying to cover it up. Obviously they hadn't known anything about who they had taken though the had been following us. Guess their attention had been focused on Spike. That was not going to end well for them.

"He's our vampire," the second demon spoke, "You want him you pay."

"Pay?" I smirked dangerously, "And why would I do that?"

"Because if you don't we'll find someone who will. Have a few buyers liked up already."

"Not anymore."

"You paying then?"

"No."

"Then what makes you think you can have him."

"Because not only is he my son. He's my Childe!"

Without allowing them the chance to answer I rushed one demon knocking them across the room into a wall only to throw his partner on the ground next to him. Knowing both of them were away from Spike I smirked and let my fangs come out.

Launching myself at them I started throwing punches and kicks instantly. I wasn't looking for a fight so I didn't give either enough time to even block my hits. This was a message to them and everyone else who tried to hut my Spike. When I was done no one would try this again.

Behind me I heard a sharp intake of breath, but knowing it was Spike I paid no mind. Until someone started to call my name. I turned slightly and saw Willow holding Spike. Growling again I motioned for them to leave before going back to the demons. Spike was safe now and that was all that mattered.

It wasn't long after that that I found myself walking out of the sewers and making my way to Willow's knowing that's where she'd take him. As I walked I found myself caught in a thunderstorm. It was a good thing too. Considering how much blood I had on me.

By the time I arrived at Willow's I was soaking wet, but all of the blood was gone. Without knocking I pushed the door open and walked inside. Willow was standing in the hallway with a confused, but sad look on her face. Something had happened when they left.

"Angel," Willow sighed, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" I questioned in confusion.

"Spike doesn't want to see you."

"What?"

"He saw you. Saw you hurting, killing those demons. He's terrified to have seen you like that."

"I need to talk to him."

"Not yet."

"Willow, I'm not going to hurt my Spike."

"I have no doubt about that, Angel. It's a ludicrous idea. To an adult. Not to an eight year old who just saw his Daddy go all vampire on two demons that kidnapped him!"

"Exactly! Kidnapped!"

"He had enough happen to him right then. He needed his Daddy to hold him. Not terrify him."

"They needed to pay."

"Right then? Or could it have waited until after your son was safe?"

Looking away from Willow when she used that tone I wondered if she was right. I had been so focused on hurting them I hadn't thought to get Spike away. To protect him from what I was going to do. How could I both protect and harm the blonde at the same time?

With the promise that she'd call me when Spike was ready to talk to me. She said based off how scared the young vampire had been it was going to take awhile. How could I have scared my Childe that much? How could I do that?

Willow was right. It did take Spike a few days to even think about talking to me. With each day I felt more and more guilt over what I had done. Not killing the demons, I wouldn't feel guilt over that, but that Spike had to watch. He had to watch me rip two demons to shreds. No wonder he was afraid of me. I was afraid of me.

That was five days ago. And Spike finally agreed to let me see him. As long as Willow and Xander didn't leave us alone. That hurt more than anything. He thought I was capable of hurting him. As if he forgot how much I loved him.

Because of this I found myself outside Willow's home. I could see Spike nervously watching the door while the pair talked to him. They were trying to calm him so he didn't run from me. With a sigh I knocked on the door and waited. Xander opened it a moment later and shot me a sad smile. Even he felt sorry for me.

"Hey Spike," I greeted when I saw him.

"Hi," Spike practically whispered.

I looked away from the blonde only to see Willow and Xander watch in pity. Right now that was the last thing I needed. No, I needed my son back. I needed to hear him call me Daddy. I needed him to give me a drawing right before he went to bed every dawn. I didn't need pity.

"Spike," I kneeled down only to have him move away from me.

Maybe this was a bad idea. He was obviously still afraid. It would be better for him if I hadn't shown up. The young vampire would be better without me. I wouldn't be able to hurt him. Again. It would give him a place to feel safe.

"Are…" Spike started, "Are you sad?"

"Yes, Spike," I answered staring at him, "I'm sad because I hurt you and I don't…"

Before I finished my sentence I found myself with my arms full of Spike. His grip was tight, but I barely noticed as I wrapped my arms around him. Holding the little vampire against me I let out a sigh and felt myself smile for the first time in five days.

"No more sad, Daddy," Spike hugged tighter, "I love you."

"I love you too, Spike," I responded, "I know I went overboard with the demons that took you. I'm sorry I made you watch that. I promise you that you'll never have to see me like that again."

"Why'd you do it?"

"Because I love you. You are my Childe. My son. They took you from me and the only thing I could think was to get you back and make them pay."

"I am back, Daddy."

"I know. And I won't let that happen again. I'll protect you, my Childe."

"I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, Spike."


	5. 15 years old

"Dad," Spike nervously started, "Can I ask you a question?"

Looking up from the book I was reading I saw my Childe standing at the doorway with all the nervousness that was in his voice. I found myself hiding a smile at that. Even after fifteen years I found myself seeing the young vampire like this, so awkward and human. It was beautiful.

I had no illusion that Spike was human though I did find myself wishing that he was. No, this was a teenager that was growing up as a vampire. Truly growing up. And as much as I loved seeing the blonde grow and age, to come into his own, I found myself wishing he was still that three month old that needed me for everything.

I missed cradling him in my arms as he slept. Or him smiling up at me as I told him stories that I knew he loved. Even then the vampire loved poetry. At points I even missed hearing his wails. I couldn't help myself. I didn't want my son to grow up. I didn't want him to leave. Because one day that is what would happen.

That being said I was more proud of my Childe than ever before. I never knew how much he loved to learn. Considering I had to buy him new books every Friday, at least five books, he truly loved it. Most books were classics, but there were a handful from this generation.

Still at the end of the day his favorite way to learn was to have me tell him stories of my past. Ever since he figured out just how much evil was in the world he wanted to learn everything just in case we needed his help. So I taught him everything and gave him reference books. I also taught him to fight, though I never brought him into a fight.

It wasn't that I thought he'd be a bad fighter, I trained him enough to know better. No, the fact was that no matter his age Spike was still my son and I'd protect him from anything. I didn't need to put him in a situation where he'd get hurt.

Shaking the thoughts from my head I looked over the young vampire and took in his sight. When he had been transformed into a child I thought that he'd forget what he'd been like before. That thought had been thrown out the window with each year that passed. He was growing to be the man he was before. At least in looks.

Right now Spike was wearing red plaid pants and a black T-shirt under his ever present duster. He really did love that jacket. I don't think he ever left the house without it on. Then there was the black nail polish that he always seemed to wear. The only real difference in his looks was his hair. Though it was just as short as before it was his natural color.

I wondered if that was going to change. This Spike was changing into that Spike and with each change I couldn't help but fear his memories would come as well. I didn't want to lose him because he remembered who I was. What I had done to him.

Looking at him now though I wondered if that time was coming to an end. He had never looked like this around me. Even when he was scared of me he didn't look like this. Whatever was going on in his head I doubted that this was going to end well for either of us.

"Am I a freak, Dad?" Spike questioned softly.

"Of course not," I answered instantly, "Why would you think that?"

"Because I'm a vampire that's aging? That doesn't exactly say 'normal'."

Sighing I pushed away from the desk and motioned for Spike to come to me. I waited until he was in front of me before placing a hand on his cheek. This was possibly something that was going to ruin the relationship that my Spike and I had. I could lose my Childe if this turned out working. But I couldn't lie to him.

With a deep breath I slowly started to explain everything that had happened. The spell that de-aged him. How we couldn't find a way to fix it, though both she and I were trying. I didn't feel right telling him what I had done to him or what he had done after we broke him.

As my story came to an end I saw the anger and pain start to fill his eyes. By the time that I was done he had pulled away from me and was now staring out the window. His shoulders were tight and his fists clenched by his sides.

For awhile neither of us moved and I couldn't stand it. I slowly made my way to Spike my hand coming to rest on his shoulder. Before I could try to further explain what had happened Spike's fist connected with my jaw causing me to stumble back in surprise.

"How dare you?" Spike growled.

"Spike…" I tried.

"No! What gave you the right to hide this from me? Who are you to decide what I do and don't get to know? Who are you?!"

"I'm your Father."

"Are you? Are you really? Tell me,  _Dad_ , who were you to me before I changed?"

"Don't do this. Forget that you were once someone else. It doesn't matter."

"Doesn't matter? Doesn't matter?! I have no idea who I am!"

"Yes you do. You know who you are. Before you were someone else. You were what you were forced to be. This is who you really are."

"Forced? What do you mean? Who forced me?"

Shaking my head I looked away from the young vampire. I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to lose my son. I couldn't lose my son because of what Angelus had done to Spike. I didn't want him to have to carry the weight of that. It was my cross to bare. Not his.

"Spike…" I sighed.

"Please," Spike practically begged, "Please. I need to know. Please, Daddy?"

"I did. I was the one that forced you to change. That broke up."

"Wh-What?"

"You were changed into a vampire by a woman named Drusilla. A woman that I drove to insanity. She couldn't be your Sire. She couldn't do it. I could. But there was this…Thing about you. Even after you changed it was like you still had a soul. So, I changed that. I forced you to be who I wanted."

"How?"

"I tortured you."

A distressed sound fell from Spike's lips as he moved to the other side of the room. Whatever he was expecting this wasn't it. None of these were answers that he was wanting to learn. And that was my fault. What had I done to the young vampire?

"Why?" Spike asked desperately, "Why would you do that?"

"I wasn't Angel then," I explained, "I had no soul. All I wanted to do was destroy beauty. And you were…Are beautiful."

"Who were you?"

"Angelus."

"Who was I?"

"William."

Spike nodded his head and started to pace. He had too much going on in his head right now and I couldn't' help him. Not only that, but I was the reason he was like this. Why? Why did I have to hurt the beautiful boy in front of me? Each and every time.

"Are you…" Spike cleared his throat, "Are you still Angelus? Will he hurt me again?"

"No," I answered with conviction, "Never."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

Spike nodded his head, but when I stepped closer to him I saw him take a step back. I doubted he had noticed what he did, but it was still hurtful. The blonde had lost at least some of the trust he had in me. Why did he have to ask about this?

"I'm not Angelus, Spike," I sighed.

"I know," Spike shrugged, "It's just hard."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I thought it was for the best."

"What I a bad…Did I hurt people?"

"It doesn't matter."

"How does it not matter?"

"Because you're not him. You'll never be him."

"So I was bad?"

"You were better than me. You also will never go back to being that vampire."

"How do you know?"

"Because you have something that he didn't have."

"What?"

"You have me. I won't let you go back to being who that vampire was. You're not him. You'd never do anything that he did."

"I'm not like him?"

"Not in the violent ways."

"But in some ways?"

"Yes."

"Tell me? Tell me about him?"

"I remember when Drusilla first brought him home…"


	6. 18 years old

"Just leave me alone, Dad!" Spike yelled walking into the house.

"No," I answered, "Willow is one of your best friends, not to mention someone that deserves your respect. Yet you thought telling her girlfriend off and yelling that she was a freak for liking girls was a good idea."

Spike rolled his eyes and turned towards his bedroom. Moving quickly I grabbed his arm and turned him towards me. My mouth opened to continue my rant when I saw something I hadn't seen in years. Something I had hoped to never see again. My Spike's eyes were rimmed red with tears. He was holding back tears.

Sighing I placed a hand on my Childe's cheek and rubbed a thumb over his cheekbone. His eyes quickly moved to the side so he wasn't looking at me, but I could hear him take in a shaky breath. Something was going on in his head and it was making him feel horrible. I couldn't even begin to figure out why.

All of this started a week ago when Willow introduced her new girlfriend to everyone. It was no big deal. We had all heard about past girlfriends and she never hid her sexuality. But this was the first time that Spike had met someone Willow was dating. She had been firm that she would never introduce the blonde to someone that she didn't see a future with.

After two years of dating the same girlfriend, someone who accepted Willow and her friends for who they were, she decided to have her and Spike meet. No one thought that the younger vampire would react badly. He had never reacted in a negative way to any of the gay or lesbian people he'd met before. That was the last thing on our mind.

But when they were introduced Spike did something no one expected. He refused to touch or even look at Willow's girlfriend, but once her head was turned he'd glare at her. Every time she or Willow tried to talk to him he'd end up saying something completely inappropriate and extremely hurtful, but he took measures to make sure that was only focused on the couple.

And nothing anyone said could rein him in. More often than not the day ended with Spike storming out of wherever we were after either Xander or myself pulled him to the side to try to figure out what was going on. He might not react in anger or violence to anyone else, but that didn't mean much. Especially knowing that he had been pulling away from everyone. It was like he was trying to protect himself from getting hurt.

What was he trying to protect himself from? He had spent the past eighteen years trusting us and now he was pulling away. It didn't make any sense to me. It's not as if anything had really changed. None of this made any sense and I hated the idea that I was missing something did not sit right with me. Not after everything I did to make sure that Spike knew he could always come to me.

"I didn't mean to," Spike whispered.

"Didn't mean to what?" I questioned making sure he looked me in the eyes.

"Willow…"

"Spike, tell me what's going on. Trust me. It'll help."

Spike shook his head and started to pull away from me, but I tightened my grip on his arm. It was time for this whole thing to come to an end before someone really got hurt. Because I knew that in the end it was going to be Spike that got hurt the most. The young vampire thought the world of Willow. She was his best friend. No matter what was causing him to act like this he would never actually want to harm the red head.

The thing that made the least amount of sense to me though was how tightlipped he was being. Spike was never quiet. He never felt like he had to hide anything. It was something that I had actually prided myself on because I knew just how difficult it was for some people to again that.

"Spike," I muttered, "Talk to me."

"Why did she have to be a lesbian?" Spike asked softly.

"What? I didn't think you had a problem with that."

"I didn't! I mean…I just…"

"Then what…Wait. Do you…Spike."

Bringing my son into a hug I felt myself sigh. So this is what had been going on in his head the past week. This is what he had been hiding for who knows how long. Honestly now that I thought about it I wondered how any of us could have missed something that was so obvious.

"You have a crush on Willow," I said holding him tightly to me, "How long?"

"Three," Spike spoke against his neck.

"Three? Three what?"

"Years."

"Why didn't you tell anyone? Tell me?"

"I don't know. I kind of thought that I could…"

"That you could find out if she liked you too? Spike, I'm sorry, but you know that Willow is a lesbian and in love with someone."

"I know."

"Then you also know that you need to stop this. Apologize to them both and be happy that she's happy."

"I'm in love with her."

"I know, my Childe. I know."

This time when Spike pulled away I let him. He understood that he needed to end all of this. I just hated this because he had this heartbroken look on his face and there was nothing I or anyone could do about it. In this case there was literally nothing anyone could do. It was up to Spike.

"Dad?" Spike sighed not looking at me.

"Yes, my Childe?" I responded.

"I'll never…I mean, love…Will I…There's nothing I can do is there? I'll be…I'll be alone, won't I?"

"Spike…"

"Never mind. I really don't want to know."


	7. 53 years old

"Dad?" Spike gasped in shock.

Moving quickly from the doorway I pulled the blonde into my arms as doctors and nurses filed into the room. They spoke to each other quickly over the shrill noise that was filling the small space. I made sure Spike and I were out of the way, but with how frantic their movements were I knew there was no point.

The noises slowly faded as all but one doctor left the room. I could hear the doctor speaking to us, but he was the least of my concerns. No, the only thing I cared about right now was my son crying into my chest as he did his best not to look at the hospital bed.

I, on the other hand, couldn't look away. This wasn't the first friend that I had seen like this, but it felt different than before. Maybe because of who was lying in the bed. Maybe because I had to take care of Spike through this. I didn't know. Truthfully, I hoped that all of this was simply a dream that I would wake up from.

That wasn't going to happen. Nothing that I did would change this and the worst part was that this whole thing had been a simple accident. Something that could happen to anyone. Why did it have to happen to her? Why did that car have to hit that patch of black ice?

Then there was the fact that no one had had any answers when she was first brought in. Every doctor and nurse we had run into told us that we had to 'wait and see'. A friend, someone I had truly come to care about, had been dying and I had to 'wait and see' for three days.

Three days of simply staying at the hospital with her because Spike refused to leave her side. Three days of leaving my son alone because I needed to take care of a case or I needed to feed. Three days of me watching as the weight of the world seemed to slowly crush the young vampire.

I spent those three days doing everything I could to bring my son out of the depression that had filled him, but nothing I did seemed to work. He hadn't showered or even changed his clothing. He hadn't said a word to anyone. Hell, he hadn't fed for those three days. And nothing I could say helped him.

Now the thing I had been praying wouldn't happen happened and I had no idea what I was supposed to do. The problem was now it was Spike's life on the line and as much as I cared for her he would always be my first priority. I had to get him to feed before it did any permanent damage. Well, first I had to take the young vampire home.

I expected the blonde to put up a fight. I wanted him to fight, but he simply let me lift him in my arms and carry him to my car. The drive was quiet, but I kept a hand firmly placed on his. One because I wanted him to know he wasn't alone. Two because I didn't want him to run.

When we finally got home I picked Spike up once more and brought him into the bathroom. Turning the water on I quickly set up a bath for the young vampire while instructing him to strip before leaving the room. I came back a minute later and saw Spike resting in the water. His face was blank as he stared at the wall in front of him.

Sighing softly I kneeled next to the tub and calmly looked at the blonde. I hated seeing my son in so much pain. It was like his body was completely empty. Because of that I took a cloth in my hand and washed his body before moving to wash his head. It wasn't until he had shampoo in his hair that he finally looked at me.

"She's dead, Dad," Spike whispered brokenly.

"I know, my Childe," I responded pouring warm water of his head, "I know."

"Why…Why couldn't I save her?"

Shaking my head I placed a hand on Spike's head resting it against my chest. I could feel water dropping onto my shirt and as much as I wished I could there was no way for me to pretend they weren't tears. This was destroying my son and now the only thing I could do was home him.

I have no idea how long he and I were resting there, but as the water started to turn cold I pulled away and finished with Spike's hair. As I cleaned up the bathroom the blonde went into his bedroom and got dressed. Once I finished the bathroom I joined him in his room.

Seeing my Childe resting against his blood red pillows I noticed just how much paler the vampire was. Which was saying something. Spike was the palest vampire I had ever met. Now it was so much worse. Still he looked better than he had in the hospital . I just needed the young vampire to feed. That would hopefully help some more.

My movements were slow as I sat next to him allowing his body to curl into mine. I placed a hand on the back of his head and moved it until it was resting on my shoulder, his lips against my neck.

I could feel his body tense slightly at the position, but when I moved a hand to start rubbing his back he slowly relaxed. We stayed like that for almost another five minutes before Spike's fangs dug into my neck.

As I felt him start to drink my blood I moved my hand up and stroked the back of his neck. It was so odd to know that though the vampire only remembered the past fifty-three years of his undead life though he was over two hundred years old. Because of that I decided to talk to my Childe as he fed.

I told him of the first time he met Angel instead of Angelus. I told of him spending hours trying to come up with the perfect poem. I told him of everything that came to my mind and I didn't stop talking until I felt his fangs slowly draw back as he fell asleep.

Once I was sure he was sleeping I pulled his blanket higher on his body, but I didn't move. Even though he was sleeping I knew that my son needed me here. He was never good at being alone and adding that with the loss of his friend all his anxieties just doubled. I wouldn't leave him alone until I was sure he was okay.

Alright, so even then I couldn't leave him, but I wouldn't hover as much as I was now. I could honestly say that Spike surprised me over the years. I had been afraid of how the vampire would act as he grew older. If he'd continue down his own path or if he'd fall into his old life.

Then he did something to surprise me. Even with my guidance he knew he could easily start to feed off and kill humans. Instead he befriended the ones I introduced him to and, although with the same level of snark and sarcasm as before, he even helped the ones that were strangers. His favorite thing though was reading . He read so much he was like a talking dictionary.

All of this made me feel even prouder of him. He turned into a better vampire than I could have dreamt of. The only thing that I truly had mixed feeling over was how deeply he felt. It was so odd for a vampire and, at times, painful to my son. It was also something that I couldn't save him from. He was a vampire with a heart. An amazingly beautiful, but pain filled heart.

Now I was that heart of his that was getting him in trouble once more. Not that I was upset about him being in mourning, but about how badly it was affecting him. It was just wrong in my mind to know that someone as strong as my Spike was in so much pain.

I laid there for another few hours going in and out of a light sleep. The only thing that kept me from my normal slumber was my son. Every time he moved I found myself jerking awake waiting for him to awaken himself. Just so I could be sure that he was going to be okay.

When he did finally wake I found myself staring into his ocean eyes. They were filled with confusion at first, but that quickly faded to a sadness that had him looking away from me. Oh, this was not how I hoped today would go.

"It wasn't a dream?" Spike questioned his voice rough.

"I'm sorry," I gave as my only answer.

"But she can't…Willow's not…I don't believe it."

"Spike, Willow's dead."

"No."

"Yes, she's gone."

"I could have…"

"There's nothing you could have done. It was an accident."

"But I…"

"Nothing. You. Could."

"What if…"

"Have. Done. Nothing."

"I miss her, Daddy."

"Me too, my Childe. Me too."


End file.
